A More Authentic Life

Often when someone comes into therapy, they take of their masks. They have the experience of talking from their experience directly, rather than just talking about it from a more cognitive place. They experience a felt sense of themselves, who they truly are beyond who they think they are. This, in turn, seems to invoke an experience of realness, authenticity, or what Carl Rogers refers to as congruence. Below I have an expert from a client who had this experience in therapy, and was so moved by it, she choose to share it in writing.

"Taking the plunge was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have hidden my feelings of hurt and loneliness from even my closest friends while I was feeling them. Only when I had suppressed my feelings and could speak jokingly or casually, could I share painful things at all, but that didn’t help me work through them. You knocked down the walls that were holding back hurt, and it was good to be with you and hurt, and not withdraw.

Also, before, it had been so painful to me to be misunderstood or criticized that I chose not to share truly meaningful events, good or bad, most of my life. Only recently have I dared risk the hurt. This experience has opened my to a deeper trust in people, increased my ability to be open with others.

One of the nicest results is that now I can completely relax. I didn’t realize how much constant tension I was under until I suddenly wasn’t! I am now much more sensitive to the times when my emotions or fatigue make me a poor listener, for I find that my own inner hurts and anxiety, even suppressed, interfered with my really listening to another. Since then I have been able to listen better and respond more helpfully than ever before in my life. I have been far more aware of what I was feeling and experiencing an openness to myself I never had before.

Congruence was more an ideal than reality to me. Frankly, I found it disconcerting to experience and frightening to express. This was the first really safe place I had found to see what I was like, to experience and express myself. I now find that a lack of congruence in myself is painful. The release and joy in my being open to what I was experiencing within and being able to keep this openness between us was new and uplifting. I am deeply grateful to you who have made it possible for us to be more open with each other."
(Carl Rogers, A Way of Being, pg 25,26)


Adam R. Seward
Individual, Couple, and Family Counselor