Don't be Blown by Every Wind

It is normal to react and respond to our environment. Reacting is part of life. It's part of interacting, and it's part of being alive and human. But we allow ourselves to get so upset, and so distracted. Little things, big things-anything-have the power to throw us of the track. And the way we respond after we react is frequently not in our best interests.
We may have started reacting and responding urgently and compulsively in patterns that hurt us. Just feeling urgent and compulsive is enough to hurt us. We keep ourselves in a crisis state-adrenaline flowing and muscles tensed, ready to react to emergencies that usually aren't emergencies. Someone does something, so we must do something back. Someone says something, so we must say something back. Someone feels a certain way, so we must feel a certain way. WE JUMP INTO THE FIRST FEELING THAT COMES OUR WAY AND THEN WALLOW IN IT. We think the first thought that comes into our heads and then elaborate on it. We say the first words on our tongues and sometimes regret them. We do the first thing that comes to mind, usually without thinking--without honest thought about what we need to do, and how we want to handle the situation by everyone and everything in our environment. We are indirectly allowing others to tell us what to do. That means we have lost control. We are being controlled.
When we react we forfeit our personal, God-given power to think, feel, and behave in our own best interests. We allow others to determine when we will be happy; when we will be peaceful; when we will be upset, and what we will say, do, think, and feel. We forfeit our right to feel peaceful at the whim of our environments.

Why do we do this?

We react because we're anxious and afraid of what has happened, what might happen, and what is happening.
Many of us react as though everything is a crisis because we have lived with so many crises for so long that crisis reaction has become a habit.
We react because we think things shouldn't be happening the way they are.
We react because we don't feel good about ourselves.
We react because most people react.
We react because we think we have to react.

We don't have to.


There is no “have to;” everything is a choice.

Because something is hard or expected of you or not what you
feel like doing does not mean it is any less of a choice.
It is all choice.

“Having to” victimizes and overwhelms us.

(Melody Beatty, Codependent No More pg 64.)