Guidelines for Conflict Resolution

Conflict is a part of life. I've heard it said that in any relationship where both parties agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary. Therefore, it is essential that we develop and maintain skills for resolving conflict in our lives. Below are some helpful tools that can guide you in your efforts to resolve conflict in your life.

1. Seek first to understand, and then to be understood. Hear the other persons point of view before stating your own. People are much more willing to hear another's position once they feel they've been heard. This one strategy may be enough to resolve most conflicts.

2.De-personalize conflicts in so far as possible. When you are identified with a want, need, or position, you will be more likely to become angry and defensive when attempting to resolve a conflict. This is generally not helpful. Further,if you can, avoid behavior which may inspire defensiveness in those you are working with about the positions they have taken. Recognize that how something is said can be as important as what is said.

3.Concentrate on obtaining a common understanding of the knowledge, assumptions, and ideas used by the parties involved in the conflict. Many conflicts are easily resolved when such a common understanding is reached. Listen to all of a message before responding.

4.Avoid hidden agendas and “score carding’. In so far as possible, deal with the current situation rather than past perceived transgressions.

5.Create an atmosphere conducive to resolving the conflict. Timing is important – particularly when a cooling off period is in order to let emotions simmer down before seeking an acceptable solution. Keep the discussion in a low key.

6.Encourage effective listening. One of the primary causes of conflict is the inability or unwillingness of people to listen to those who think differently.

7.Make it common knowledge that your goal is to search for the solution that will best satisfy the mutually agreed upon objectives. Be open-minded. Insist upon evaluative exploration of alternative approaches before arriving at a conclusion.

8.Some conflicts are virtually irreconcilable, such as a serious personality clash among organizational members. It may be necessary to reorganize or re-staff to work the problem, but it still must be worked – one way or the other.