A Few Things to Consider

First, There is no “Have To;” everything is a choice.

Because something is hard or expected of you or not what you
feel like doing does not mean it is any less of a choice.
It is all choice.

“Having to” victimizes and overwhelms us.

“Choosing to” honors our integrity and strengthens us. This is true for
hard choices, painful choices, and obligatory choices.

Your choices are all yours. Be proud, be very proud.

Second, So you don’t want to be a burden to anyone.

Okay.

But what if the people who care about you hear
“I don’t need you.”

What if other people want to be needed by you?

Consider being proud and grateful instead of tentative and
apologetic to people who want to help.

And finally, A Gratitude Checklist

My life is whole and complete just as it is.

I am enough now.

I am blessed in all that I have been given.

I am released from all arrogance and sense of entitlement.

The spirit of gratitude is bold in its assumption. Gratitude will be my choice now, not my fear of having enough.

Is there anything you could have that would be more
meaningful than that for which you are already
grateful?

Worth Considering? I hope so.


Copyright © 2008 Greg McBride

Tips for Setting Boundaries

1. When we identify we need to set a limit with someone, it is important to do it clearly, preferably without anger, and in as few words as possible. Avoid justifying, rationalizing, or apologizing. Offer a brief explanation, if it makes sense to do that. We will not be able to maintain intimate relationships until we can tell people what hurts and what feels good. The most important person to notify of a boundary is ourselves.

2. We cannot simultaneously set a boundary (a limit) and take care of another person’s feelings.

3. We may feel ashamed, guilty, or afraid at first when we set boundaries. Do it anyway. People may not know they’re trespassing. And people don’t respect people they can use. People often use people they can use and respect people they can’t use. Healthy limits benefit everyone.

4. Anger, rage, complaining and whining are clues to boundaries we need to set. The things we say we can’t stand, don’t like, feel angry about, and hate may be areas screaming for boundaries. It is important we learn to listen closely to ourselves to hear what we are saying. Other clues that we may need to set a boundary are feeling threatened, suffocated, or victimized by someone. We need to pay close attention to what our bodies are telling us too.

5. We’ll be tested when we set boundaries. Plan on it. It doesn’t do any good to set a boundary until we are ready to enforce it. Often, the key to boundaries isn’t convincing other people we have limits—it’s convincing ourselves. Once we know what our limits are, it will be less difficult to convince others. In fact, people often sense when they have crossed a line. We’ll stop attracting so many boundary invaders. Things will change.

6.Be prepared to follow through by acting in congruence with boundaries. Our boundaries need to match our behavior. What we need to do is match what we say. If you say your boundary is not to let others drive your car, but you continue to let others take your car then whine about it, then it’s not a boundary yet. Consequences and ultimatums are one way to enforce boundaries. Boundaries are to take care of us, not to control others.

7. Some people are very happy to respect our boundaries. The problem hasn’t been what they’ve been doing to us; it’s what we’ve been doing to ourselves. Some people may get angry at us for setting boundaries, particularly if we’re changing a system by setting a boundary where we previously had none. People especially become angry if we’re been care-taking them, or allowing them to use or control us and we decide it’s time to change that.

How to Love Yourself: By Louise Hay

1. Stop All Criticism. Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

2. Don’t scare yourself. Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It’s a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure (mine is yellow roses), and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

3. Be Gentile and Kind and Patient. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.

4. Be kind to your mind. Self hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.

5. Praise yourself. Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

6. Support Yourself. Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong enough to ask for help when you need it.

7. Be loving to your negatives. Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So lovingly release the old negative patterns.

8. Take care of your body. Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you’re in.

9. Mirror Work. Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents looking into the mirror. Forgive them too. At least once a day say “I love you, I really love you!”

10. Do it now. Don’t wait until you get well, or lose the weight, or get the new job, or the new relationship. Begin now –do the best you can.