Saying Yes and No

A common theme that comes up in life is difficulty understanding how to use the two very familiar words Yes and No. Both of these can present their unique challenges. For example, when we say No we feel guilty, or when we say Yes we feel undeserving. Melody Beattie, in her book, The Language of Letting Go, has a helpful way of discussing the common difficulties with these words.


For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the dictionary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No.



No-simple to pronounce, hard to say. We're afraid people won't like us or we will feel guilty. We may believe a "good" employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no. The problem is, if we don't learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.



When do we say no? When no is what we really mean. When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.



If we're scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, go back and say no. We don't have to offer long explanations for our decisions. When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no's and our yes's begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learns a secret: "No" isn't really that hard to say.



Further, it is necessary also to learn how to say the word: Yes.

We can learn to say yes to things that feel good, to what we want - for ourselves and others.

We can learn to say yes to fun. Yes to calling a friend, asking for help.

We can learn to say yes to healthy relationships, to people and activities that are good for us.

We can learn to say yes to ourselves, what we want and need, our instincts, and the leading of our Higher Power.

We can learn to say yes when it feels right to help someone. We can learn to say yes to our feelings. We can learn to identify when we need to take a walk, take a nap, have our back rubbed, or buy ourselves flowers.

We can learn to say yes to work that is right for us. We can learn to say yes to all that will nurture and nourish us. We can learn to say yes to the best life and love have to offer
(Beattie, The Language of Letting Go, Page 225.)